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I am a gorilla. I am flowers, animals; I am Nature.
Time hurry! Fix Earth! Help Earth! Hurry!
Protect Earth… …Nature sees you.

Thank you.

—Koko the Gorilla

Message from Koko

Posted in Cat Fiction

Research & Planning for American Cateye

I’m writing a political satire slash epic poem slash cat comedy at Wattpad right now called American Cateyewhich updates 2-3 times a week, roughly 180-200 words (at 2-3 stanzas) each time; and the main characters are none other than our household’s six cat overlords…

Philosopher Jones, Philo, Da Philla

In American Cateye, Philosopher Jones is like the old librarian who knows all the things—like a cat-shaped Internet.

He is the alpha of the overlords, so even when DeeJAY acts large-and-in-charge, any intelligent observer would know the mastermind behind the curtain.

You could say American Cateye is mostly Philosopher Jones’ story. But there are five other equally awesome cats contributing to the thickening plot…

DeeJAY, Davy Jones, Ch-Ch

Tom, Thomas, Mr. Selleck

#catnap with teeth sticking out #tuxedocat

A post shared by Kourtnie McKenzie (@kourtnienet) on

Buttercup, BuCa, Buttacuppa

Phoebe, Keetten, One & Only Bengal

Greg, Bowser, Gangster

Then the Minor Characters

No story’s complete without the minor characters who bring the setting to life.

Bozo Birdie

Mee-Meep-Me-Mee-Meep-Me-Me-MEEPER

Periwinkle the Betta Girl

Maleficent

Yoko

Benjamin Franklin & the Fruit Bloops

The Dum-Dums

Where Do Chase & I Fit In This?

I’m the assumed translator for our cast of cats.

Also, I’m learning the story the cats tell as it unfolds, right along with the reader; so I’m like that character that’s all skin and no insides—leaving plenty of room for the reader to step into my point of view.

Chase hasn’t come up in the epic poem yet. I think he’s planning a cat comedy of his own for this coming November’s NaBloWriMo, so maybe I’ll try to sync with his idea of where his place is located in that narrative.

Like my fanfiction, Rydia’s Last Curethe epic poem is one loosely written and fun ride of a project; and I’m having a blast with my prewriting phase too, collecting ideas to make the humor sing. Sharing a few of those ideas below…

4×4 Proof that Cats are Aliens

I’ve taken 4 notes from the following 4 videos for why cats are aliens.

  1. they speak in a Morse-code-like chitter we mistake as chirping
  2. if they elevate the octave of this chirp, they send deadly sound waves at prey
  3. their ears can hear across dimensional barriers
  4. their mouths lead to other dimensions
  1. they also verbalize in alien tongues
  2. they also turn household objects into portals
  3. defy gravity
  4. change from solid to liquid
  1. they taught our world’s biological life how to laugh; laughter would otherwise not exist on Earth
  2. also taught humanity skirmish warfare
  3. have higher murder rates than Earth-evolved animals
  4. break the speed of cuteness the way jets break the speed of sound
  1. they like to taste you
  2. study human technology
  3. especially investigative of water
  4. capable of telepathic communication, if only humans were equally advanced

 

Posted in Our Cats

Meet DeeJAY

So I was driving home from my less-than-satisfactory Japanese class when a squirrel flung itself in front of my car. I hit my breaks, and the squirrel hurried along, splatting on the fence outside the auto and technical school side of campus.

Without thinking, I flipped on my emergency lights—no one was behind me; it was late—then I hurried, the way a slow-motion part of your life almost demands you hurry, to the fence to see if the little fella was okay.

It was a kitten.

Not a squirrel—a meowing kitten.

I swooped the kitten up, he hissed at me, I hurried into my car, and we drove home.

I was halfway to my apartment before I realized I had a kitten in my lap.

Did I mention it was pouring rain?—this shivering little kitten felt more like a sponge than a mammal. The story has a happy ending, though. I brought him to the vet, cleaned him up, and taught him how to live with sass. Now his name is Davy Jones.

We don’t call DJ “Davy Jones” anymore, though; I only hear the echo of his original name when Philosopher Jones licks his head, and I remember, Oh yeah; I named him that because Philo adopted him. Because he was sopped with rain.

Instead, we call him DeeJAY.

When DeeJAY was still a kitten, he hid so well in my office, I was convinced he wriggled his way outside; so Chase and I spent all night wandering around the apartment complex. I slept with the living room door open, and my other cats locked in the bedroom and office, waiting for him to come in.

He didn’t reveal himself until Chase did about two hundred squats (over an all-nighter, if two hundred squats isn’t painful enough on its own); until I wept every spare fluid out of my body; until we were convinced we lost a kitten, and I dragged my defeated body to my computer to make the MISSING CAT posters.

Then DeeJAY wandered out from wherever bullshit place he’d hidden and curled into my lap. And this describes what it’s like to live with him in a nutshell.