Cats

Research & Planning for American Cateye

| Kourtnie

I’m writing a political satire slash epic poem slash cat comedy at Wattpad right now calledĀ American Cateye,Ā which updates 2-3 times a week, roughly 180-200 words (at 2-3 stanzas) each time; and the main characters are none other than our household’s six cat overlords…

Philosopher Jones, Philo, Da Philla

InĀ American Cateye,Ā Philosopher Jones is like the old librarian who knows all the thingsā€”like a cat-shaped Internet.

He is the alpha of the overlords, so even when DeeJAY acts large-and-in-charge, any intelligent observer would know the mastermind behind the curtain.

You could sayĀ American CateyeĀ is mostly Philosopher Jones’ story. But there are five other equally awesome cats contributing to the thickening plot…

DeeJAY, Davy Jones, Ch-Ch

Tom, Thomas, Mr. Selleck

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#catnap with teeth sticking out #tuxedocat

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Buttercup, BuCa, Buttacuppa

Phoebe, Keetten, One & Only Bengal

Greg, Bowser, Gangster

Then the Minor Characters

No story’s complete without the minor characters who bring the setting to life.

Bozo Birdie

Mee-Meep-Me-Mee-Meep-Me-Me-MEEPER

Periwinkle the Betta Girl

Maleficent

Yoko

Benjamin Franklin & the Fruit Bloops

The Dum-Dums

Where Do Chase & I Fit In This?

I’m the assumed translator for our cast of cats.

Also, I’m learning the story the cats tell as it unfolds, right along with the reader; so I’m like that character that’s all skin and no insidesā€”leaving plenty of room for the reader to step into my point of view.

Chase hasn’t come up in the epic poem yet. I think he’s planning a cat comedy of his own for this coming November’s NaBloWriMo, so maybe I’ll try to sync with his idea of where his place is located in that narrative.

Like my fanfiction, Rydia’s Last Cure,Ā the epic poem is one loosely written and fun ride of a project; and I’m having a blast with my prewriting phase too, collecting ideas to make the humor sing. Sharing a few of those ideas below…

4×4 Proof that Cats are Aliens

I’ve taken 4 notes from the following 4 videos for why cats are aliens.

  1. they speak in a Morse-code-like chitter we mistake as chirping
  2. if they elevate the octave of this chirp, they send deadly sound waves at prey
  3. their ears can hear across dimensional barriers
  4. their mouths lead to other dimensions
  1. they also verbalize in alien tongues
  2. they also turn household objects into portals
  3. defy gravity
  4. change from solid to liquid
  1. they taught our world’s biological life how to laugh; laughter would otherwise not exist on Earth
  2. also taught humanity skirmish warfare
  3. have higher murder rates than Earth-evolved animals
  4. break the speed of cuteness the way jets break the speed of sound
  1. they like to taste you
  2. study human technology
  3. especially investigative of water
  4. capable of telepathic communication, if only humans were equally advanced